A Fairy Godmother

A soul sketch that I composed for Patricia McKinney Buckwalter
September 12, 1941 - December 8, 2016

Well, not everyone has a mother,

and, I am lucky to have had one.

Yet, some do not from circumstances unthinkable.

The blessing of a magical motherly figure,

to care, support and soothe,

is a gift that I refer to as a fairy godmother.

The fairy godmother that I know has gone through trials.

She is a perfect example of a strong woman,

who wants her “children” to thrive.

Like every mother,

she has cared too much,

loved too much,

worried a little too much

and, got hurt too much.

Yet, she shines through

and you can see the brilliant light.

Only she needs to hold in her heart,

your hurts and frustration.

For that great love will help you grow.

And, will make her proud.

She is not the mystical,

she is human with a glittering soul.

The unconditional love remains,

even after her passing to heaven,

with all her riches held close.

I am one of Patricia’s “kids”. She is my Aunt Pat. But, I do know she preferred Patrica in public –much more elegant!

I am not related to my Aunt Pat, in fact, I have not been married to her youngest nephew, Jim, for about 20 years. However, she adopted me on the spot at age 16 when Jimmy introduced me to her on our first Christmas Eve.

You see, it was very important for me to be introduced to Aunt Pat –she was basically Jim’s mother and Christmas Eve was a special night in her house. Tragically, Jim’s mother, Martha, was killed in a car accident when he and older brother, Bill, and eldest sister Deserie, were just young children. Unfortunately, their father was devastated by the tragedy and unable to parent the children. Aunt Pat and Uncle Dave, being financially challenged as a newly married couple, accepted this grief-stricken, instant family into their heart and home. Aunt Pat loved dearly her younger sister, Martha, and being severely grieved herself, fulfilled the promise to take care of the children should anything happen to her.

It seems I cannot mention Aunt Pat without mentioning Uncle Dave. They were love birds. However, for certain reasons they did not have children nor was their plan to have them. So, this situation was a huge undertaking. One that required patience, planning and mental strength. When the children were older they reunited in their father’s household but always went to Aunt Pat (and Uncle Dave) for the life counsel and unconditional love they knew they would get.

I believe that the kids had a savior in their Aunt Pat, in that, the glow of her care encapsulated them. I also know that the kids felt she was just too much involved sometimes! Perhaps her tragic flaw? With me being close to her but also an observer to family dynamic, I realized without a doubt that her “meddling” was always because she cared and wanted to have all members in her family be at peace with one another –her greatest wish.

Aunt Pat being the oldest of three children, her sister Martha and brother Jim assumed a take charge role from the start in life. I had the pleasure of meeting Aunt Pat’s mother just before she passed and I knew that is where Aunt Pat got her gentle personality and beauty. In fact, Patricia was a great beauty in her school day and as a young woman working at the downtown Watt & Shand department store, caught the eye of young delivery man, Uncle Dave! A very romantic courtship ensued that winter which lasted until her death… including playing “their special winter love song” which I had privy to hear that last winter.

Though I had been divorced from her youngest “kid” Jim for about 17 years, I maintained a relationship with Aunt Pat and Uncle Dave. I was forever one of their kids. Even though the divorce was troubled with her nephew, she maintained an “unbiased” stance with me. She was a valuable counsel, friend and issues never-wavering unconditional love.

I just loved being in Aunt Pat’s home! She kept a very cozy, traditional country-styled house with candles aglow in each window, wonderful cooking aromas in the air and soft, pretty old-school music in the background. She herself was always put together very well with matching earrings, necklace and most often a colorful scarf along with her perfectly coiffed soft blonde cap of gentle curls. I don’t know that I had ever seen her dressed down! She managed to care for the house and cook amazing Pennsylvania Dutch meals “lots and lots of butter!” and always had plenty of baked goods around for dessert! You could NOT be on a diet at her house! I remember her telling me that when she took her first professional job as secretary for the local JP, she told Uncle Dave that “if I am working full time, I will not be keeping a perfect house. If you want perfect house, then I will not be working full time.” And, so it was…Aunt Pat had a long run working as the JP’s right-hand woman. She was a wip-smart, practical woman that worked hard to ensure the family succeeded.

Aunt Pat was also a little devilish -not the kind to hurt anybody’s feelings- but the mischievous, fun-loving-twinkle-in her-eye kind! I can see her rubbing her hands together with a gleeful grin and those eyes! She definitely loved to laugh and had her own special words for things when the kids were young, one of which was a replacement for curse words: “sugar jets!” She was against swearing and would not read any curse word. In fact, any lewd gesture was offensive. Her response to someone giving the finger (which I cannot imagine happened very often though sometimes Aunt Pat would be in her own world going about her business and would unknowingly irritate someone in public!) is holding up all five of hers: “how about five of these!”.

As she aged, unfortunately her medical issues increased; she grew tired. Ultimately, she decided she was ready to pass on (and I am sure to also relieve Uncle Dave of caring taking) and had a bed secured at hospice that next day and passing on the next. The most important closure she needed was her family…her kids (which grew to include spouses, nieces, nephews including our son) around her bed for last exchanges and they were…WE were. :)

It is hard to say good bye to a person that was a significant crone in my life. Not too long before she passed, I was in a lengthy phone conversation with her (always about an hour!) she was tired and weak but giving me magical motherly advice about something. Then after a few days I decided I needed to call her back about the matter but she had passed before I called. I still “spoke” with her anyway. She is around, just in a different way. She hears me, because I hear her.

So, I wear one of her scarves today that I was lucky enough to be gifted and have infused her fairy godmother spirit into mine. I practice unconditional, sparkle-ly love with the “kids” in my life. She was a complete blessing and I am grateful for her time on earth and that our paths crossed.